Why I'm here (SP)

Weeeeeeeelll,

It's been a weird week seeing best friends go home from their missions, NOT gonna lie, but!  It's been a good motivation for me to make a greater effort to focus these next couple transfers.

I really took time this week to figure out again why I'm here and the efforts I'm making to be here.  I've listed some of the doubts that Satan would have me believe about not being totally satisfied with where I am right now.  I've done a lot of thinking about it and have learned a ton.

If there's one thing the world that feeling of ''missing out'' on something.  We all hate that feeling.  We all want to be a part of it, to expereince what looks so cool, so exciting.  We want it so much that even if, while sitting on a bus, you look somewhere intently and with sincere interest out a window, if you look interested, the people around you will look.  We all know what I'm talking about.  It's always in effect!  If you sit and talk with someone, if you stare off at something in the middle of either person's sentences, the other person looks back to see what you're looking at.  If it's more interesting than whatever you were saying, they want to see too!  SO funny.  Haha this is coming even as I'm writing this.

I thought about what that has to do with me and missionary work.  OBviously it's applied in all aspects of life.  But when we go out and talk with people, if we're so thoroghly convinced that what we have is a lot more fun than what anyone else has, people will listen.  It's the FUNNIEST thing.  Suddenly you start getting potentials and contacts.  And all it is is you being yourself, realizing that all we'd EVER want is sitting right in front of us in the scriptures, in prayer, and in serving others.  People want a taste!  And then you say, ok, sweet, we'll give it to you.  Read this book.

What I've realized more for myself than anything though is when I myself do that.  This week in fact, I applied this.  Suddenly, a calm came over me and I realized....anything else ANYone has, is nothing.  It means nothing.  Nothing!  None of it is important!  It's so freeing it's hilarious!  We get so caught up in thinking that anything anyone else has is better than what we have.  It's not!  We have our Heavenly Father to communicate with!  And he listens better, more often, more frequently, and with more love than ANY of our friends who we think might have better lives than us!  It's seriously hilarious!

I know from hearing from friends that being on a mission is different than normal life.  I can't say I get that yet, but I do know and recognize that some of the feelings I've had here, I ALSO had before I came out, just peppered here and there and in smaller quantities maybe.  I didn't realize what it really was ormeant until being submerged in ONLY that.  It's really neat.  It's really neat to look back and see that THAT is still there no matter where I'll be in life, maybe in different concentrations, or settings, or with different people, but the love of God is simply always there, as we heard from President Monson and Elder Holland two conferences ago.

I just know that deferring my mission, for whatever reason, is already blessing me.  I can see how perfect the Lord's timing is.  He loves us.  He really just....loves us.  He wants us to be happy and feel of that love.  And I know it's in living the gospel.  Not even perfect.  Isn't that crazy relief?  We don't even have to do it perfectly.  YES with all our effort.  No excuses.  But we're allowed room to make mistakes.  And I know God doesn't hold on to the little dumb things we do.  He forgets it, I feel, even before we realize it happened, meaning His love is unconditional and ready to heal us.  I know that's true with all my heart.  I know God lives and that His Son Jesus Christ lives.  I know the Church is true and that through Joseph Smith it was restored.  In the sacred name of Jesus Christ, amen.

I love the work.  And I love you all!  You're all in my prayers.

Love,

Sister Packer